Today should have been a good day, a day that I should of enjoyed, a day I should have blessed my stars for.....
But it wasn't
It was awful
even some excellant news didn't break the fate this day possessed
I did something I have been fearful I would do for some time now, I have been feeling it build inside me, and it broke today.
I wish my will power had been stronger,
I wish my .ED. had not led me to doom,
I feel so so so so so guilty,
I hate myself,
I hate this.
I don't know what else to do, the usual voices are trying to subdue this guilt but as per usual it does not work,
I wish......I dont know, I just feel so empty, yet so full of hatred for myself and for this beast inside my head.
Oh god if u are there.....please give me the strength and will to fight on, to start a new day with dreams tomorrow, I do not wish to waste my days on earth in this selfish, grotesque way.
.Tomorrow will be better, Tomorrow will be joyful.